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299 KB

Tom's mother: What is that? What is that?
Tom: It's a.....remember the dinner, Dad? It's about the dinner you didn't want to talk about. Look at it Mom it's a present for you. It's the "Where's my dinner bitch?" statue.

49 KB

Tom: I'm so (something) to be....
Old Man: (something something) flying fuck!
Tom: What?
Old Man: (something something) flying fuck!
Tom: A flying.....?
Old Man: Fuck! F-U-C-K!

38 KB

Tom: Hey hello welcome to the Tom Green show I'm Tom, (applause) and these are my friends Glenn and Phil, and uh...

105 KB

Tom: And we realized this nervous Caroline was so nervous in the service....(Phil laughing)
Glenn: OK

905 KB
Tom: He really got mad this week.
Glenn: He seemed pretty mad.
Tom: My Dad actually called MTV, and he left a message on the producer's voicemail....
Glenn: Oh no.
Tom: ....threatening to sue the show. Listen to this, this is great.
Tom's father: My name is Richard Green, I am Tom Green's father. Uh...I do not want the scenes that were shot this weekend at my home used on television (laughter). This went completely beyond the bounds of good taste. Um I don't really think that uh...showing myself being abused by my own son (laughter) is uh something that I find to be a laughing matter. If these are used I guarantee I will sue you bastards for a million dollars. (laughter).

53 KB

Tom: Rock is the chud, rock is the chud, rock is the chud, he's not my bud. Rock is the chud, he's not my bud.

71 KB

Tom singing, music in background.

This is the Tom Green Show,
it's not the Green Tom Show.
this is my favorite show,
because it is my show, it's the Tom Green Show.

116 KB

Music in background.

Tom: By cupid's arrow, have I been stung? (laughter)
(Tom starts making high pitched screeching noises)
(pause, laughter)
Tom: I hope you like my six-foot tongue.

195 KB

Tom: (something), goodnight! Hahaha! I have a big fish. Fishy. (splash) a big fish.

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